ilmaffectional

My affection is affectionately affectionate an affectional affection...

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Past- Present- Future: life goes on!


Last Wednesday at Ohlala café, I met one of my best friends from my junior and high school-- a cute and lovely long haired chubby baby who was used to be an announcer on a youngster radio station in Bandung and was also been ‘sacrifice’ her self to puke celebrities’ life up on a national TV station (if you tend to be an infotainment freak you might recognize her -almost-sounds-like Ade Herlina- jolly voice reporting hot updated happening celebrities’ rumors) until she finally got better job as a media planner on a local advertising agency.
After all uproar chit-chat that spontaneously ‘blasted’ because of our great excitement of seeing each other that night (yes we finally met after several failed appointment and I bet you can guess what the topic of our conversation was: love and life, for sure) – we were promise to make this rendezvous to be held regularly twice a month *hopefully could be accomplished well, ya?*

Anyway, several months before we met on that last Wednesday, we were also had a little gathering at Blend café plus our another one best friend—a –let-me-call-her- Miss Love Loyal; a sweet patient and calm girl who’s been one step ahead spiritually by wearing jilbab for about the last 3 years and has been in a relationship for 7 years (let me repeat it, SEVEN years!! *what a long journey you’ve been!!* and please do not compare her long term successful relationship with mine *hiks*).
We were so enthusiast on the enthusiasm of gathering that day; talking about love (that was the 50% of our chit-chats and it’s all about boys, boys and boyss...), life (40% contains our past, present life and future’s plan incl. gossip *hey, no.. it’s a FACT!*, ha-ha) and some not-too-important to be discussed stuffs (the rest 10% was just discussing girl stuffs like style, foods and so on).

Three of us were from the same junior high school and also the same high school yet not too close enough to be called as ‘friends’ after being much more closer on the third grade of high school. Moreover, I and Miss Love Loyal (ha-ha, I bet Djuwi will also be laughing out loud reading this nickname, *sorry Windaaa…*) were from the same elementary school but had never been a classmate though.
Well, what I am going to tell you is- just imagine this: we were almost be “together” in our entire life; we were used to talk about unimportant things every time we met- just nothing but make ourselves laughing or whatsoever. And now, guess what- we absolutely had no idea that one day (which is our last meeting) we’re going to talk about such a serious thing: L I F E. Life is simple, but complicated. Easy, but difficult. Relax, but serious. Obvious, but unpredictable. And we realized that we are facing ‘the real life of the life’ itself. Graduated from college, we’re all facing the next step to make ourselves closer to the real world in the future with all valuable experiences of life behind. So, what next??? What is going to be our next leap after graduated? (And I bet that the biggest leap of our life is marriage!!! *Hello windaaa… your wedding is in front of your eyes!!* ha-ha!)

Dear friends, do you remember your past? Just try to go flashback, rewind your memories and remind your self about your past; your childhood, your puberty, your school and college moments. I believe that you really had no idea about what is going to be on your present life now, especially your future.

Yes, once again, we’ll never know because life is such a mystery. It is full of surprises. So, I just want to say to all of you guys; Welcome to the real world, welcome to maturity, welcome to career, welcome to marriage, welcome to the future. Ha-ha!

Remember, we’ll never know what is going to be the day after today, even one second after you read this post. But Allah does. Good luck! :D

2 Comments:

Blogger Neng Asti said...

Ma'il.. Yes indeed.. We always think that the future won't be that hard.. Tapi ternyatah.. Huhu.. But there is one important think to remember: never speak in past tense..

3:13 PM, March 02, 2006  
Blogger ilmaffectional said...

Yo'eeee, banget bangeettt...
Eh ti kapan2 kita ketemuan yukkk.. gw ma djuwi suka ketemuan di ohlala thamrin tiap rabu.. kemaren ada deniawan juga... Yuk yukkk... anak sma 2 yg udah di jakarta siapa aja ya ti?

10:11 AM, June 08, 2006  

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Monday, February 27, 2006

The greatest affection is the powerful family affectional embrace


Getting homesick after 2 weeks full of pressureness on living in such a mean city called Jakarta, I decided to spend my weekend by visiting my home sweet home in Bandung only for sleeping in my truly comfortable bed in my cozy atmosphere chamber *well, I think so!*, enjoying such a ‘peaceful’ city (at least not as bad as Jakarta!) and of course for getting a huge embrace and affection of my lovely family.
Believe me, that 2 weeks was like 2 years for me; I felt that it was really such a long time- so I was so excited seeing my lovely hometown *what a spoil kid!*.

Anyhow, my weekend this time was full of discussion matters; serious conversation between me, my father and my mother, in my really ‘family gathering atmosphere’ living room. And the topic was about life, emotion vs. ratio things, career, religion and maturity. Well, I was born and grew up in a democratic (free to choose the way but keep on the right track), little bit conventional type (in a good way), professing Islamic spiritual belief attentively (yet need to learn more) and always discuss everything- openly state our thought and freely share our mind for a better way based on our family principal understanding (which contains the -how to keep-emotion and ratio-balanced with-religion belief- way of thinking).

Started from my outpouring feeling; I told them about my career case distraction (just read my former post titled ‘Like a marriage with no love (so how to get the affection appeared))’ and my really strange and weirdo psychological condition (read the ‘Tell me that my feeling was wrong, please?’ post)—then the discussion flew into such a serious type of conversation, reflecting what was going on upon my self lately and be wistful on realizing what the meaning of life is.
Well… the discussion was really deep and full of advices, and after all- I didn’t realize that my tears was falling trough my cheeks- I am absolutely proud being the part of this lovely family…

"My Lord! Bestow Thy mercy upon my parents, as they raised me up when I was little" (Holy Qur'an, Al Isra' 17:24)

1 Comments:

Blogger Nadine-Zaki said...

Not because your dad is my uncle, but I have to say that he's good person. Gw masih inget pernah sharing soal profesi gw saat ini with him, waktu itu gw masih freelance --entah tahun berapa, pokoknya waktu itu gw nginep di Bandung.
He supported me a lot dan beliau ngasih advis banyak sama gw waktu itu. Beliau juga begitu "mendengarkan" gw. Padahal, who was I?
Sama seperti my family, your family adalah keluarga yang sangat hebat, brilian dan gw harap you won't let them down, seperti gw ngga bakal pernah bisa let them down.
Bagi gw, keluarga adalah barikade pertama yang tahu semuanya tentang gw, suka dan duka... Mereka selalu ada untuk kita, meski sometimes kita ngga merasakannya.
Trust me, keluarga adalah big supporter untuk kita. Jadi, listen to them... cuz they will never guide us to the wrong direction.
Protect your family with all your heart and soul, bring them in your prayer. Ask Allah to give them happiness, for good.
I love my big family, especially keluarga inti gw, dan gw ngga akan pernah rela keluarga gw disakiti oleh siapapun, karena apapun. Cuz they are my pearl, my happiness and my sadness. Salam untuk your family. I miss Bandung too...

3:48 PM, February 27, 2006  

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Monday, February 13, 2006

Like a marriage with no love (So how to get the affection appeared?)

I’d like to make a confession here:

I’ve been married to this guy for about 6 months. Yes, marriage- a formal union committing to be together either for happiness or sadness, officially in a promise of unity in front of preacher, legally signed steadfastly as a partner and evidently engaged one another.

My husband is a wonderful kind, generous and handsome guy- a man with a great and prestigious name, very well known all around the world as a trustworthy professional person with appreciated background of family and life history. With his exclusive and elegant appearance and performance, no wonder- he is such a one in a million; and believe me, I had absolutely no idea why he chose me while there’s millions of woman wanted to marry him out there- and still waiting with a hopefulness hope, wishing that he’ll looking for a new wife to be married one day.

My husband is always fulfilling my necessity of life: high household expense, security and safety guarantee, and…PROUDNESS. Basically, my husband completes me with every single thing I needed, plus ‘trivial matters’ of life: facilitates me with his unlimited force, teaches me with expensive valuable knowledge, gives me a lot of experiences day by day, spoils me with his enormous gift, and so on.

But I don’t love him. I have no passion of making love with him. I have no passion to safe our relationship to be such an everlasting togetherness.

Our marriage has no love. No affectional desire.

I’ll tell you something. I still couldn’t forget my ex-boyfriend. My ex- boyfriend is completely different to be compared to my husband-- a very eccentric guy, stands out totally different than others, rebellious, has a strong desire of provocation, passionate me to sacrifice my life with passion and affection; willing me to dedicate myself with all my life, my heart, my soul, my huge power of energy. And let me say that I love him so much.
Basically, knowing my strong desire and ambition of loving, everybody supports me to keep my relationship with this irresistible guy— but one thing: commit my dedication and love with high responsibility.

Until the day had come. The day when my current husband surprisingly came to proposed me with all his dazzling tremendous enchantment and promises. And I was like being dazed in such a great confusing intersection of life- flustered me with lots of huge question marks on my head: who’s the one I have to choose? What if I choose this bright future going to be guy? What if I tenaciously wishing my boyfriend? Does my affection go to the right person? Is my boyfriend a right person for me? Each of them has its own lack and superiority; and still I had no idea- what had God already planned for my future.

Hour after hour, day by day, night by night passed by with full of prayers. Until finally I got the answer of every single word I said in my sincere wishful pray with a wise thought of patience: “Yes, I would accept his propose. And yes, I would learn to love him day by day. Time will answer. Time will bring me to love”

And voila! So here I am. Proudly stands as a fortunate chosen wife. But after 6 months in togetherness, I still haven’t found my affectional love compared to my ex- boyfriend—yet got lots of fortunate, pleasureness and proudness. Moreover, I heard that my ex- boyfriend is in a great trouble nowadays.

*************************

Please replace these words and re-read the paragraph above:

Married= working, guy= company, husband= engaged job/company, legally signed= officially authority recognized by law, preacher= human resource administrator, new wife=new employee, household expense= salary, love=passion of working, ex- boyfriend=desirous job/company, dedication and love responsibility= professionalism, propose= recruit, enchantment and promises= facility and bright future, trouble= apprehensive situation regarding it’s’ existence.

********

ABSOLUTELY NO. I didn’t mean to be ungrateful. God, everything happens wonderfully. I am truly enjoyed being the part of my company. Yes, it is ABSOLUTELY such a great and exalting bless that You’d been given for me. Nothing more, nothing less- I sincerely say this word yelled from my deepest heart in conscientiousness: ALHAMDULILLAH.
But (believe me, I hate to say this “but”)—yes, maybe human has unlimited satisfaction and so do I—this is not the one I wanted. But who knows, anyone has no force of guessing what God Almighty’s plan and exalted capability of blessing: this job might not be the one I wanted but this might exactly be what I needed.

“You might be dislike something whereas is good for you, and you might be like something whereas is not good for you- in truth Allah knows what you don’t know.” (Holy Qur’an, Al Baqarah 2:216)

Why did I choose this marriage or love story as the analogy of my occupation case distraction? Well, I think those two case have a strong similarity of basic principal thought and understanding; involving the two different side: emotion and ratio.
Emotion= want, desire, lust, love, passion; Ratio= need, exact, reasonable necessity.

God knows what the best thing for us is… In my case, well I hope this is the best thing for me either-- I don’t know. But what I got to do now is trying to stimulate my affection, love and passion to be appeared on my mood of working in this company…and I need more strengthen patience and time. Wish me luck… (Ihdinaa shiratalmustaqqim...)

9 Comments:

Blogger Chad McMillan said...

you are a wonderful writer. your words flow by quickly, almost in a manic sprint toward some spiraling, unknown ending. it was nice stumbling across what you wrote. keep it up.

9:27 AM, February 13, 2006  
Blogger ilmaffectional said...

Thank you very much, I am flattered. :-)
It was nice receiving a comment from someone I even don't know- wish we both could share our story and thoughts continuously..

Nice to know you! Hope we could be a good friend! :D

12:18 PM, February 13, 2006  
Blogger Soemardja Gallery said...

Ilma,
gak tau neh nyambung apa gak..
yang jelas, kadang kita seneng tuh ma kerjaan trus kita nglamar, trus pas udah ketrima kita seneng banget, tapi pas kenyataannya eh..malah diluar dugaan malah kita boring dan gak asik..
yah begitulah temanku..semuanya harus dijalanin sebab semuanya akan menjadi pengalaman yang berharga..ya gak? keren kan?

8:49 PM, February 23, 2006  
Blogger Nadine-Zaki said...

Dear De Il, sometimes pekerjaan yang you don't like it justru menjadi jembatan menuju sukses. Yah, meski harus diakui kerja tanpa perasaan "cinta" bukan hal gampang. Tapi, seperti orang yang dekat dengan seseorang tapi tidak disukai (sahabat, katakanlah), pekerjaan itu lama-lama bisa "dicintai" kok.
Kalau ternyata De Iil ngga juga bisa meraih "cinta" di tempat kerja you sekarang, ada baiknya De Iil ask these questions to yourself: Is it the job you really want? Mana yang lebih kuat, kepuasan bekerja atau kepuasan memperoleh finance yang luar biasa?
Apa rasa tertekan itu melebihi rasa bangga De Iil bekerja secara profesional di sana?
Apakah prestasi De Iil di sana dihargai? Apakah De Iil tidak merasa beruntung bisa bekerja di sana sementara jutaan orang berharap bisa bekerja di tempat De Iil bekerja sekarang?
Pernahkah De Iil merasa bahagia --even sekalii saja-- selama bekerja di sana?
Kalau De Iil masih juga bimbang, ask Allah to guide you and give the answer, by adding your regular sholat with more prayer and sholat istikharah. Sounds cliche but trust me, it will help you. Allah has promised that "he will do anything we ask, asal kita benar2 minta padanya." Oke?

4:21 PM, February 27, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

9:52 Say: "Can you expect for us any fate other than one of two glorious things; Martyrdom or victory ? But we can expect for you either that Allah will send his punishment from Himself, or by our hands. So wait expectant; we too will wait with you."
dear ilma,
Sebagai seseorang yang mengalami keadaan di posisi lo, gue tidak bisa membantah ke gundahan lo..
Sewaktu alasan apakah kita mencintai istri kita dengan passion, bukan passion yang kita pertanyakan.. pilihan awal kita untuk menikahinya yang kita pertanggungjawabkan, dan yang lebih penting adalah alasan kita mencintainya dan alasan tujuan kita ada di dunia ini yang lebih penting kembali...
Jadi inti dari pembicaraan saya adalah; it's not about the money from your husband and the responsibility cause marrying him or the true passion from your ex even that he is no greater you'd know - kalau analoginya seperti itu - but it's mostly the reason for why or for whom you marry your husband or choose your ex.
Believe me I just married to the even more lack of love and poor wife compare to my previous girl... but it's the reason for whom and the greater cause above us that made me dare enough to show another day.
Bukan karena emosi dan rasio kita berpegangan... as the great Jew whom never claim himself jew would say imagination is more important than knowledge.. jadi saya pikir jangan pernah takut untuk memulai.

1:38 PM, February 28, 2006  
Blogger ilmaffectional said...

*Speechless for a moment*

Tentunya semua ini tidak terlepas dari skenario Tuhan, dan saya selalu percaya itu. Adapun kegundahan yang saya rasakan ini adalah semata-mata karena ketidakberdayaan atas keterbatasan
kapasitas saya sebagai seorang manusia..
Mungkin ini cuma sebagian kecil dari hakikat hidup yang perlu saya tempuh, tapi saya yakin- setiap gerak dan langkah yang saya buat adalah atas kehendakNya.

Bukannya saya takut untuk memulai, memang kita gak pernah akan tahu bahwa jalan yang kita lewati itu benar atau salah apabila kita tidak mencoba. Kalau boleh saya ibaratkan- hidup ini seperti rumus fisika- banyak rumus yang harus dipakai untuk mendapatkan jawaban akhir, dan sekalinya kita menggunakan rumus dasar yang salah, maka jawabannya pun akan salah. Namun sekalinya kita tahu rumus apa yang harus dipakai, tentunya jawaban itu akan bisa kita 'tebak' walaupun harus melewati berbagai rumus dengan berbagai macam perhitungan.
Nah, (setelah melalui berbagai nasihat, masukan dan diskusi) saya sekarang semakin tahu apa rumus dasar yang harus saya pakai untuk menemukan jawaban akhir itu.

Soemardja Gallery, Nadine Zaki dan Ichwan... terimakasih, nasihat kalian sangat luar biasa inspiratif buat saya...

Wish me luck!

11:21 AM, March 02, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

mgkn comment gw dah basi kali ya.
btw kalu kata gw, kitakan masi muda jadi perjalanan `perkawinan` kita masi panjang. Masi ada kesempatan buat `pindah ke lain hati`, jalanin aja dulu mpe nemu kemungkinan-kemungkinan balikan ke `mantan pacar`. `Perkawinan lu` kan bukan sekolah, lu bisa aja pindah ke `lain hati` kapanpun lu mau.
Mnurut gw mungkin karena perkawinan lu ngga bisa `memuaskan` apresiasi lu dan ide-ide gila yang tertanam di otak lu.
Coz u`re too talented and too young to stuck in 1 `marriage` only.

5:39 PM, March 06, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good writing :) very intriguing at the beginning, with a nice twist at the end. Perhaps you should consider being a writer?

Career is a subject that pretty close with love, especially when you have a passion about something. But sometimes, our passion doesn't go along with His plan.

I once wrote about how I felt about my own career... well, pretty much like the story of my journey

http://chibi-alfa.livejournal.com/108923.html

:)

7:12 PM, July 14, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Ilma,

Thanks for stopping by and write your comments :)

I guess my point was, sometimes you think you are sure what your path is, but later you'll find that perhaps another path which He leads you proves otherwise.

Say, you might falling in love with Honda, or perhaps Honda is just a stepping stone for another thing bigger than you expected.

Uncertainty indeed can kill, but I remember what Roy used to say, "I like to start everything (creative work, that is) from uncertainty, with this trembling feeling inside my stomach since I don't have any idea how this will turn out. But at the end, the unpredictable result is usually rewarding" (kurang lebih sih gitu..kalo gue ga salah tangkep hehehe)

So you had your internship at Lowe, too, and graduated from FSRD ITB? gosh.. what a small world..

Anyway, a bit off track... I once wrote something regarding to my internship at Lowe long time ago. My cousin told me to stop posting chilling stories afterward..hehehe... I did that to respect the person I used to know, hope she rest in peace (amen).

http://chibi-alfa.livejournal.com/104864.html

No, I didn't use Honda. I didn't find it as 'cute' as Kymco..sorry to say :P

Thanks for linking my blog ;)

1:19 PM, July 18, 2006  

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Monday, February 06, 2006

Tell me that my feeling was wrong, please?


Friday night in Jakarta, last minutes before I went to my deepest sleep…I said to myself:

I am not a daydreamer, but I’ve been daydreaming so much lately.

I am not an introvert kind of person- keeping my own desperateness and resentful feeling adhered like glue on my unintelligible mind- carelessly give no damn to others, but I’ve been quite introvert these days.

I am not an ungrateful person (of course I don’t mean to be, God), but all that happens to me nowadays had driven me to a confusing principal thought, abandon my wishful dream and impudently forget the kindness of God. Yet, still spontaneously slap myself realizing my erroneous.

I have changed… and I regret.

Time and surrounding change us without giving any opportunity of realizing what is going on. Suddenly, we’ve changed. Better or worse.

And I got the worse, I guess…

Do I really change? Or it was only my feeling? Tell me that my feeling was wrong, please?


(Written with my tangible sight watching the moment of solitude, painfully in a great hunger of my family's embrace and support…)

8 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

So, you are change...
but everybody does...
just enjoy it Ma!

12:14 PM, February 06, 2006  
Blogger ilmaffectional said...

Thx fit.. Yes, I have changed. And yes, everybody does, I guess.

Tapi, apa yang bisa gw enjoy-in fit? orang gw ngerasanya gw tidak menjadi orang yang lebih baik.. :(

1:17 PM, February 06, 2006  
Blogger Neng Asti said...

If you search what's not there, you'll always feel worse time to time. But if you see what you have got, you'll find out that you're living a blissful life.

5:56 PM, February 09, 2006  
Blogger ilmaffectional said...

Great quotes, good advice. Thanks dear..

8:16 AM, February 10, 2006  
Blogger anggunpribadi said...

berubah? hmm mungkin ya..tapi how could i know, we almost have no "physical" contact (he he he he dalam artian yg positif ya he he he) for more than 2 years?? Tapi seperti kata temen lo fitri, ya bener smua orang juga berubah.. Gw aja jadi gantengan nih... He he h eh

1:29 PM, February 10, 2006  
Blogger dhani sancok said...

Mimpi itu bunga tidur..biasanya kalo mimpi menjelang subuh biasanya beneran
kalo siang2 tuh setan, yah percaya apa tidak tapi kalo mimpi yang buruk2 positive tingking deh siangnya segera ngasi infaq ke orang2 yang minta2, hehehe..nyambung gak sih comment gw?

3:58 PM, February 10, 2006  
Blogger dhani sancok said...

Ilma, hidup itu harus dijalani bukan untuk dipikirkan terus menerus..apa yang kau dapat hari ini ya jalani dulu mungkin itulah perjalananmu..kau harus tegar, banyak teman usahakanlah bertanya dan sharing ke mereka..mungkin dapat membantu dan sekaligus mempererat tali silaturahmi:)
yah..carilah pasangan hidup buat curhat!!

4:05 PM, February 10, 2006  
Blogger ilmaffectional said...

Huahaahhaa... gak mungkin nih sancok brancok ngasih komen ky gini! Bijaksana skaleee.. Kalo komen sancok yang pertama sih iya gw percaya itu dia yg nulis... tp kalo yg kedua?? Cok, ngaku lo itu bukan lo ya yang ngomong??!!!

*ekspresi tak percaya sambil ketawa geli*

Buat agn: masa sih 2 taun? masa sih lo gantengan? iya sih, kalo lewat sms dan ym doang mah gak keliatan, hehe.

12:03 PM, February 13, 2006  

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