Like a marriage with no love (So how to get the affection appeared?)
I’d like to make a confession here:
I’ve been married to this guy for about 6 months. Yes, marriage- a formal union committing to be together either for happiness or sadness, officially in a promise of unity in front of preacher, legally signed steadfastly as a partner and evidently engaged one another.
My husband is a wonderful kind, generous and handsome guy- a man with a great and prestigious name, very well known all around the world as a trustworthy professional person with appreciated background of family and life history. With his exclusive and elegant appearance and performance, no wonder- he is such a one in a million; and believe me, I had absolutely no idea why he chose me while there’s millions of woman wanted to marry him out there- and still waiting with a hopefulness hope, wishing that he’ll looking for a new wife to be married one day.
My husband is always fulfilling my necessity of life: high household expense, security and safety guarantee, and…PROUDNESS. Basically, my husband completes me with every single thing I needed, plus ‘trivial matters’ of life: facilitates me with his unlimited force, teaches me with expensive valuable knowledge, gives me a lot of experiences day by day, spoils me with his enormous gift, and so on.
But I don’t love him. I have no passion of making love with him. I have no passion to safe our relationship to be such an everlasting togetherness.
Our marriage has no love. No affectional desire.
I’ll tell you something. I still couldn’t forget my ex-boyfriend. My ex- boyfriend is completely different to be compared to my husband-- a very eccentric guy, stands out totally different than others, rebellious, has a strong desire of provocation, passionate me to sacrifice my life with passion and affection; willing me to dedicate myself with all my life, my heart, my soul, my huge power of energy. And let me say that I love him so much.
Basically, knowing my strong desire and ambition of loving, everybody supports me to keep my relationship with this irresistible guy— but one thing: commit my dedication and love with high responsibility.
Until the day had come. The day when my current husband surprisingly came to proposed me with all his dazzling tremendous enchantment and promises. And I was like being dazed in such a great confusing intersection of life- flustered me with lots of huge question marks on my head: who’s the one I have to choose? What if I choose this bright future going to be guy? What if I tenaciously wishing my boyfriend? Does my affection go to the right person? Is my boyfriend a right person for me? Each of them has its own lack and superiority; and still I had no idea- what had God already planned for my future.
Hour after hour, day by day, night by night passed by with full of prayers. Until finally I got the answer of every single word I said in my sincere wishful pray with a wise thought of patience: “Yes, I would accept his propose. And yes, I would learn to love him day by day. Time will answer. Time will bring me to love”
And voila! So here I am. Proudly stands as a fortunate chosen wife. But after 6 months in togetherness, I still haven’t found my affectional love compared to my ex- boyfriend—yet got lots of fortunate, pleasureness and proudness. Moreover, I heard that my ex- boyfriend is in a great trouble nowadays.
*************************
Please replace these words and re-read the paragraph above:
Married= working, guy= company, husband= engaged job/company, legally signed= officially authority recognized by law, preacher= human resource administrator, new wife=new employee, household expense= salary, love=passion of working, ex- boyfriend=desirous job/company, dedication and love responsibility= professionalism, propose= recruit, enchantment and promises= facility and bright future, trouble= apprehensive situation regarding it’s’ existence.
I’d like to make a confession here:
I’ve been married to this guy for about 6 months. Yes, marriage- a formal union committing to be together either for happiness or sadness, officially in a promise of unity in front of preacher, legally signed steadfastly as a partner and evidently engaged one another.
My husband is a wonderful kind, generous and handsome guy- a man with a great and prestigious name, very well known all around the world as a trustworthy professional person with appreciated background of family and life history. With his exclusive and elegant appearance and performance, no wonder- he is such a one in a million; and believe me, I had absolutely no idea why he chose me while there’s millions of woman wanted to marry him out there- and still waiting with a hopefulness hope, wishing that he’ll looking for a new wife to be married one day.
My husband is always fulfilling my necessity of life: high household expense, security and safety guarantee, and…PROUDNESS. Basically, my husband completes me with every single thing I needed, plus ‘trivial matters’ of life: facilitates me with his unlimited force, teaches me with expensive valuable knowledge, gives me a lot of experiences day by day, spoils me with his enormous gift, and so on.
But I don’t love him. I have no passion of making love with him. I have no passion to safe our relationship to be such an everlasting togetherness.
Our marriage has no love. No affectional desire.
I’ll tell you something. I still couldn’t forget my ex-boyfriend. My ex- boyfriend is completely different to be compared to my husband-- a very eccentric guy, stands out totally different than others, rebellious, has a strong desire of provocation, passionate me to sacrifice my life with passion and affection; willing me to dedicate myself with all my life, my heart, my soul, my huge power of energy. And let me say that I love him so much.
Basically, knowing my strong desire and ambition of loving, everybody supports me to keep my relationship with this irresistible guy— but one thing: commit my dedication and love with high responsibility.
Until the day had come. The day when my current husband surprisingly came to proposed me with all his dazzling tremendous enchantment and promises. And I was like being dazed in such a great confusing intersection of life- flustered me with lots of huge question marks on my head: who’s the one I have to choose? What if I choose this bright future going to be guy? What if I tenaciously wishing my boyfriend? Does my affection go to the right person? Is my boyfriend a right person for me? Each of them has its own lack and superiority; and still I had no idea- what had God already planned for my future.
Hour after hour, day by day, night by night passed by with full of prayers. Until finally I got the answer of every single word I said in my sincere wishful pray with a wise thought of patience: “Yes, I would accept his propose. And yes, I would learn to love him day by day. Time will answer. Time will bring me to love”
And voila! So here I am. Proudly stands as a fortunate chosen wife. But after 6 months in togetherness, I still haven’t found my affectional love compared to my ex- boyfriend—yet got lots of fortunate, pleasureness and proudness. Moreover, I heard that my ex- boyfriend is in a great trouble nowadays.
*************************
Please replace these words and re-read the paragraph above:
Married= working, guy= company, husband= engaged job/company, legally signed= officially authority recognized by law, preacher= human resource administrator, new wife=new employee, household expense= salary, love=passion of working, ex- boyfriend=desirous job/company, dedication and love responsibility= professionalism, propose= recruit, enchantment and promises= facility and bright future, trouble= apprehensive situation regarding it’s’ existence.
********
ABSOLUTELY NO. I didn’t mean to be ungrateful. God, everything happens wonderfully. I am truly enjoyed being the part of my company. Yes, it is ABSOLUTELY such a great and exalting bless that You’d been given for me. Nothing more, nothing less- I sincerely say this word yelled from my deepest heart in conscientiousness: ALHAMDULILLAH.
But (believe me, I hate to say this “but”)—yes, maybe human has unlimited satisfaction and so do I—this is not the one I wanted. But who knows, anyone has no force of guessing what God Almighty’s plan and exalted capability of blessing: this job might not be the one I wanted but this might exactly be what I needed.
“You might be dislike something whereas is good for you, and you might be like something whereas is not good for you- in truth Allah knows what you don’t know.” (Holy Qur’an, Al Baqarah 2:216)
Why did I choose this marriage or love story as the analogy of my occupation case distraction? Well, I think those two case have a strong similarity of basic principal thought and understanding; involving the two different side: emotion and ratio.
Emotion= want, desire, lust, love, passion; Ratio= need, exact, reasonable necessity.
ABSOLUTELY NO. I didn’t mean to be ungrateful. God, everything happens wonderfully. I am truly enjoyed being the part of my company. Yes, it is ABSOLUTELY such a great and exalting bless that You’d been given for me. Nothing more, nothing less- I sincerely say this word yelled from my deepest heart in conscientiousness: ALHAMDULILLAH.
But (believe me, I hate to say this “but”)—yes, maybe human has unlimited satisfaction and so do I—this is not the one I wanted. But who knows, anyone has no force of guessing what God Almighty’s plan and exalted capability of blessing: this job might not be the one I wanted but this might exactly be what I needed.
“You might be dislike something whereas is good for you, and you might be like something whereas is not good for you- in truth Allah knows what you don’t know.” (Holy Qur’an, Al Baqarah 2:216)
Why did I choose this marriage or love story as the analogy of my occupation case distraction? Well, I think those two case have a strong similarity of basic principal thought and understanding; involving the two different side: emotion and ratio.
Emotion= want, desire, lust, love, passion; Ratio= need, exact, reasonable necessity.
God knows what the best thing for us is… In my case, well I hope this is the best thing for me either-- I don’t know. But what I got to do now is trying to stimulate my affection, love and passion to be appeared on my mood of working in this company…and I need more strengthen patience and time. Wish me luck… (Ihdinaa shiratalmustaqqim...)
9 Comments:
you are a wonderful writer. your words flow by quickly, almost in a manic sprint toward some spiraling, unknown ending. it was nice stumbling across what you wrote. keep it up.
Thank you very much, I am flattered. :-)
It was nice receiving a comment from someone I even don't know- wish we both could share our story and thoughts continuously..
Nice to know you! Hope we could be a good friend! :D
Ilma,
gak tau neh nyambung apa gak..
yang jelas, kadang kita seneng tuh ma kerjaan trus kita nglamar, trus pas udah ketrima kita seneng banget, tapi pas kenyataannya eh..malah diluar dugaan malah kita boring dan gak asik..
yah begitulah temanku..semuanya harus dijalanin sebab semuanya akan menjadi pengalaman yang berharga..ya gak? keren kan?
Dear De Il, sometimes pekerjaan yang you don't like it justru menjadi jembatan menuju sukses. Yah, meski harus diakui kerja tanpa perasaan "cinta" bukan hal gampang. Tapi, seperti orang yang dekat dengan seseorang tapi tidak disukai (sahabat, katakanlah), pekerjaan itu lama-lama bisa "dicintai" kok.
Kalau ternyata De Iil ngga juga bisa meraih "cinta" di tempat kerja you sekarang, ada baiknya De Iil ask these questions to yourself: Is it the job you really want? Mana yang lebih kuat, kepuasan bekerja atau kepuasan memperoleh finance yang luar biasa?
Apa rasa tertekan itu melebihi rasa bangga De Iil bekerja secara profesional di sana?
Apakah prestasi De Iil di sana dihargai? Apakah De Iil tidak merasa beruntung bisa bekerja di sana sementara jutaan orang berharap bisa bekerja di tempat De Iil bekerja sekarang?
Pernahkah De Iil merasa bahagia --even sekalii saja-- selama bekerja di sana?
Kalau De Iil masih juga bimbang, ask Allah to guide you and give the answer, by adding your regular sholat with more prayer and sholat istikharah. Sounds cliche but trust me, it will help you. Allah has promised that "he will do anything we ask, asal kita benar2 minta padanya." Oke?
9:52 Say: "Can you expect for us any fate other than one of two glorious things; Martyrdom or victory ? But we can expect for you either that Allah will send his punishment from Himself, or by our hands. So wait expectant; we too will wait with you."
dear ilma,
Sebagai seseorang yang mengalami keadaan di posisi lo, gue tidak bisa membantah ke gundahan lo..
Sewaktu alasan apakah kita mencintai istri kita dengan passion, bukan passion yang kita pertanyakan.. pilihan awal kita untuk menikahinya yang kita pertanggungjawabkan, dan yang lebih penting adalah alasan kita mencintainya dan alasan tujuan kita ada di dunia ini yang lebih penting kembali...
Jadi inti dari pembicaraan saya adalah; it's not about the money from your husband and the responsibility cause marrying him or the true passion from your ex even that he is no greater you'd know - kalau analoginya seperti itu - but it's mostly the reason for why or for whom you marry your husband or choose your ex.
Believe me I just married to the even more lack of love and poor wife compare to my previous girl... but it's the reason for whom and the greater cause above us that made me dare enough to show another day.
Bukan karena emosi dan rasio kita berpegangan... as the great Jew whom never claim himself jew would say imagination is more important than knowledge.. jadi saya pikir jangan pernah takut untuk memulai.
*Speechless for a moment*
Tentunya semua ini tidak terlepas dari skenario Tuhan, dan saya selalu percaya itu. Adapun kegundahan yang saya rasakan ini adalah semata-mata karena ketidakberdayaan atas keterbatasan
kapasitas saya sebagai seorang manusia..
Mungkin ini cuma sebagian kecil dari hakikat hidup yang perlu saya tempuh, tapi saya yakin- setiap gerak dan langkah yang saya buat adalah atas kehendakNya.
Bukannya saya takut untuk memulai, memang kita gak pernah akan tahu bahwa jalan yang kita lewati itu benar atau salah apabila kita tidak mencoba. Kalau boleh saya ibaratkan- hidup ini seperti rumus fisika- banyak rumus yang harus dipakai untuk mendapatkan jawaban akhir, dan sekalinya kita menggunakan rumus dasar yang salah, maka jawabannya pun akan salah. Namun sekalinya kita tahu rumus apa yang harus dipakai, tentunya jawaban itu akan bisa kita 'tebak' walaupun harus melewati berbagai rumus dengan berbagai macam perhitungan.
Nah, (setelah melalui berbagai nasihat, masukan dan diskusi) saya sekarang semakin tahu apa rumus dasar yang harus saya pakai untuk menemukan jawaban akhir itu.
Soemardja Gallery, Nadine Zaki dan Ichwan... terimakasih, nasihat kalian sangat luar biasa inspiratif buat saya...
Wish me luck!
mgkn comment gw dah basi kali ya.
btw kalu kata gw, kitakan masi muda jadi perjalanan `perkawinan` kita masi panjang. Masi ada kesempatan buat `pindah ke lain hati`, jalanin aja dulu mpe nemu kemungkinan-kemungkinan balikan ke `mantan pacar`. `Perkawinan lu` kan bukan sekolah, lu bisa aja pindah ke `lain hati` kapanpun lu mau.
Mnurut gw mungkin karena perkawinan lu ngga bisa `memuaskan` apresiasi lu dan ide-ide gila yang tertanam di otak lu.
Coz u`re too talented and too young to stuck in 1 `marriage` only.
Good writing :) very intriguing at the beginning, with a nice twist at the end. Perhaps you should consider being a writer?
Career is a subject that pretty close with love, especially when you have a passion about something. But sometimes, our passion doesn't go along with His plan.
I once wrote about how I felt about my own career... well, pretty much like the story of my journey
http://chibi-alfa.livejournal.com/108923.html
:)
Hi Ilma,
Thanks for stopping by and write your comments :)
I guess my point was, sometimes you think you are sure what your path is, but later you'll find that perhaps another path which He leads you proves otherwise.
Say, you might falling in love with Honda, or perhaps Honda is just a stepping stone for another thing bigger than you expected.
Uncertainty indeed can kill, but I remember what Roy used to say, "I like to start everything (creative work, that is) from uncertainty, with this trembling feeling inside my stomach since I don't have any idea how this will turn out. But at the end, the unpredictable result is usually rewarding" (kurang lebih sih gitu..kalo gue ga salah tangkep hehehe)
So you had your internship at Lowe, too, and graduated from FSRD ITB? gosh.. what a small world..
Anyway, a bit off track... I once wrote something regarding to my internship at Lowe long time ago. My cousin told me to stop posting chilling stories afterward..hehehe... I did that to respect the person I used to know, hope she rest in peace (amen).
http://chibi-alfa.livejournal.com/104864.html
No, I didn't use Honda. I didn't find it as 'cute' as Kymco..sorry to say :P
Thanks for linking my blog ;)
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