Tell me that my feeling was wrong, please?


Friday night in Jakarta, last minutes before I went to my deepest sleep…I said to myself:

I am not a daydreamer, but I’ve been daydreaming so much lately.

I am not an introvert kind of person- keeping my own desperateness and resentful feeling adhered like glue on my unintelligible mind- carelessly give no damn to others, but I’ve been quite introvert these days.

I am not an ungrateful person (of course I don’t mean to be, God), but all that happens to me nowadays had driven me to a confusing principal thought, abandon my wishful dream and impudently forget the kindness of God. Yet, still spontaneously slap myself realizing my erroneous.

I have changed… and I regret.

Time and surrounding change us without giving any opportunity of realizing what is going on. Suddenly, we’ve changed. Better or worse.

And I got the worse, I guess…

Do I really change? Or it was only my feeling? Tell me that my feeling was wrong, please?


(Written with my tangible sight watching the moment of solitude, painfully in a great hunger of my family's embrace and support…)