Nothing but a particle of dust..

Saturday, May 26, 2006; 10 minutes to the day after...

My fingers moving so fast and beating these alphabetical pads on a thin board; directed by my clueless direction from my brain.

My eyes keenly see every single thing emerged by those fingers’ beat on the clear bright flat screen that conceitedly stands in this 3x4 unpretentious space.

My ears conscientiously listen to the whisper of the solitude night murmuring its loneliness voice despite the tumultuous horn of the traffic, the flattery jolly sound of the radio, or the starvation agony of those annoying dogs hoping for their master’s compassion.

And my mouth is freezing; my word couldn’t be spoken with my unthinkable thought inside.

I a m S h a m e f u l l y M e a n i n g l e s s .

I’m nothing but an indistinct mini particle dust between this huge enormous exalted will of Allah. Everything in this motherland—and all in this world happen by The Almighty’s will.Everything comes from Him, and it turns back to Him after all. We are just a human with limited capability.

Earthquake? Death? Disaster? Pain? Everything is just a piece of cake for Him to create.

A l l a h u A k b a r .

(Deepest condolence to all Yogyakarta earthquake victims..in truth, Allah will always be by your side)

Counting down...until the upcoming day.

Tic.. toc.. tic.. toc

I’m counting down, goes by every seconds, minutes and hours... Flows like a water and even blows like a wind on every seasons. And the clock is still tictoc–ing; mocking me with the tic toc sound that makes me sick. Sick. Sick. Full of pain. But I don’t care. Still, I’m counting down.

I’m counting down, as if I count every beat of my heart, every pulse of my artery, every breath I take, every word I say, every step I walk, every move I make, every wink I blink.

I’m counting down, as if I knew my dead end day. I’m counting down, as if I knew my starting count to the ending number. I’m counting down, and still counting down… again, over and over again, with patience… and hope.

I’m counting down; yet still don’t know where I stand now. Where am I? On number 1839? 98? 35? Or even 5? I don’t even know from what number do I have to count, is it 1000? 99999? Or maybe 10. Still, the ending will always be zero.

I’m counting down, without stopwatch. I’m counting down, without knowing what would I be. Just counting down, once again, with patience… and hope.

Tic.. toc.. tic.. toc

Now, precisely now-- in the month of 5, million seconds away. As you could clearly see, I’m still counting down. The time will come immediately, that’s what he said. Soon. Tomorrow, or maybe today. 10 hours left, maybe? We both don’t know. But still-- I’m still counting down..

(For my soulmate somewhere out there.. I’m here, and still counting down.. with patience… and hope..)