Someday...

Would you know my name if I saw you in heaven?
Would it be the same if I saw you in heaven?
I must be strong and carry on,
'Cause I know I don't belong here in heaven.

Would you hold my hand if I saw you in heaven?
Would you help me stand if I saw you in heaven?
I'll find my way through night and day,
'Cause I know I just can't stay here in heaven.

Time can bring you down, time can bend your knees.
Time can break your heart, have you begging please,begging please.
Beyond the door there's peace I'm sure,
And I know there'll be no more tears in heaven.

*Tears in Heaven by Eric Clapton and Will Jennings plays melodious in the air*

I was reminding myself about the death in a sudden. Beyond my obsolescence thought on an obscurity intersection of my present life, I woke my mind up and yelled to myself out loud: “THANK GOD, I’M STILL ALIVE!”
I smiled on a cynical smile and asked myself, “Am I really ready to die?” And yet was in a great damn anxious feeling and worried about this horrible question.
The only reason why I was asking my self about the death was… hey, we never know when will we going to die, and we never know how long we will be alive. Somehow, it was nothing but a muse—someday, I’ll be gone.

Well, the essential things to be prepared for the up coming day are a prepared soul, good deed charity provisions, and all kind of vertical relationship to the All Mighty includes other life matters. I still remember that I have some friends who passed away years a go. One passed away because of Leukemia when I was on the second grade of junior high school- a girl named Rani, the twin sister of my classmate Rina. She was been struggling to hold herself on, fighting Leukemia for almost 2 years. On her day, she was extremely on a compassional condition—and everybody was so hard to let her go, especially her twin sister who had accompanied her for so long.
The other one was my former high school friend named Anton who passed away when I was on the second grade—this one passed away on a really tragic way: suicide. I still remember his rebellion upon our teacher, until one day I heard the news that he was dropped out from school. Had no idea what made him determined himself to end up his life, several months later my entire school were terribly shocked knowing his unbelievable tragic way on ending his life.
Next was Fajar, my beloved first year high school classmate who passed away on a traffic accident several week before our national final exam. It was really such an unfortunate way for him; a clever boy with good school achievement has ended his life too soon. His dream was enter Geodesy Faculty of ITB, and as long as I know him, he is really a good boy. Always do Dhuha pray while the rest of students were blasting the school canteen on riot, never do cheating on every examinations, and seemed really well prepared on facing the final exam. I still remember that he had just told his crush about his feeling and being denied several week before, and we were joking warmly couple of hours before the accident.
The last was Sasa, my lovely friend from Art and Design Faculty who passed away about 3 years a go- when I was on the third year of college. She was really a lovable and adorable girl- I bet she would be graduated as the best student of 2001 if she was still ‘here’. She always got A mark on every subjects, and -if I’m not mistaken- she got GPA 4 out of 4 scales on her last semester. Somehow, maybe it was already been written, she had to face her story of life- passed away so young because of pleurisy.

*deep sigh*

Okay, let me take a deep breath first. Well, maybe the point is... One day, the day will come. It’s all been written on our life scenario. Thing we had to prepare is “the charity stock”, the vertical relationship with God. Death could come in a sudden, unexpectedly. Life is full of surprises, life and death is a big secret. As a human with such a limited capability and power, we never know what will happen tomorrow, even a second after now. *Damn, I’m frightened by my own!!!!*

Tears in heaven, the song by Eric Clapton and Will Jennings was still humming in a gentle and slow whisper on my radio…
…Would you know my name if I saw you in heaven? Would it be the same if I saw you in heaven?...

Will everybody be missing me if I’m gone to heaven? Am I worthy enough to be missed if I’m gone?

I asked my self, and I wonder…